I want to have long, winded conversations with you about how the boys are. Because they're ok, but not really. Because Ashley notices that you're not here, and says so. And Galen notices you're not here, and says "Daddy no yelling". And all of it breaks my heart.
All of it.
I wanted you to love being a dad as much as I love being a mom. Or maybe half as much. Some. A little.
Because they sure do love you. Way more than any dad deserves, really. They notice your absence, and they miss you. They also notice how much quieter it is. They notice how much easier it is to navigate bedtime, to navigate the morning, to navigate the house in general. They are allowed to be loud and obnoxious and silly and goofy...and no one's yelling at them to settle down.
But that doesn't mean they don't love you. They love you. We all love you.
But we don't love the angry you. Angry you is mean. Angry you is scary. Especially to two little boys who only want you to love them. And a wife who tried so hard to show you that you were loved.
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